In this video, I want to talk about dating, which potentially will transform into marriage.
Recently, somebody asked me, how do I increase my success in dating? What am I looking for? What do I need to bring to the table? Well, as we had a discussion, we covered a few topics, which I want to share in this video.
You know, right now, in America, we have divorce rate of over 50%. Over 60% couple was married before. Over 70% couple was married and have kids. So the relationships do not work out and why. And if we just look at those 3 things that I mentioned, it is going to tremendously impact new potential relationship in a positive way.
No. 1. What to look for at no. 1? No. 1 is resentment. Basically, when, before even going into dating mode, first slow down. Return to yourself. Look inside you. Evaluate everything. What happened to you? Who you dealt with? Why? What was your role? How it impact you?
So let go of all the negative things that you are holding onto coz what is going to happen is when you go on a date, your date could trigger something inside of you from your previous relationship and it could be not even a relationship. It could be something like much earlier. It could be parenting.
Let us say in an extreme case the father was abusive with his daughter. And now, she is going on a date, and as soon as her date will say something that could trigger her father’s response or look to a certain way or does something in a certain way, that could be a trigger and could sabotage the whole date.
So before going out there, start with a clean slate. Let go of everything so you would not be judging and no things would be triggering you in a negative way.
No. 2. Value. What do I mean by that? Value is what you bring to the table. A lot of times you hear people say oh I am looking for certain traits in my date for certain actions for certain values. The question is what do you bring? Why are you focusing on what you will get? Because that is automatic set up for failure. What is going to happen is you will date, maybe you want to get married, and then you will realize you are not getting what you expected to get. And, that will create problems, arguments, ultimately to divorce.
I heard something recently crazy, it is a statement but made me, you know, it is stuck in my head. It said that, consider yourself lucky if your parents are not divorced. Because basically every other couple is divorced. That is too crazy.
Now, don’t set yourself for failure. Build yourself. Introduce value. If you expect your spouse to be enthusiastic, you bring that enthusiasm. If you want energy, you bring that energy. If you want romance, you do that. And again, when I tell you this, I tell me this, same thing applies to me. It is better to focus on what you can bring to the table because you can always inquire from yourself. And, you can always work on yourself and improve your relationship than expecting the other person to do that for you.
Now, the third thing is actually potential. What do I mean by that? Potential could change. A lot of times people jump into relationship without closing their eyes for certain traits or certain values of the other person thinking that you know what? This person potentially will change because everything else is good, all we need to change is this one little thing.
But that one little thing could sabotage the whole thing and destroy everything. Let me give you some extreme. Could be that your date is smoking and you cannot tolerate smoke. So, yes, everything is good and enthusiasm, joy and hardworking but the person smokes. This will come back and destroy the whole thing. Why? Because, say, you just don’t say things just like that. There are couple of things they say. They say that it is easier to conquer the whole city than to change a trait of a person or another statement that was said, that warrior is not someone who conquers the city, warrior is somebody who conquers himself.
It is very hard to change a trait. It takes a lot of time to do it to yourself. How much more so to the other individual? So watch out for that. It is very important. If you see a person doing drugs or being very pessimistic, or being stingy and there is no way to change that to or tolerate that, don’t even go into that relationship.
Again, all of these is not for or from a judgement side, not from ego side. Just do your best. Come with positive energy. Bring value and avoid going somewhere for potential change.